The Love Scale is out of Balance
August 12, 2008 by Geoff Manning Comments (8)
I was inspired to write this short post after reading a great article at Building Camelot by Tyler titled “How Becoming A Father Will Make You A Better Man”.
I was reminded of a conversation I had with my mother-in-law in the weeks after our daughter was born. She asked if I have a better appreciation for my own parents now that I am a Dad. I agreed with her completely but it made me think of the balance of love between parent and child.
The part that had me inspired to write was this:
You Will Learn What True Love Is
I’m convinced that anyone without children doesn’t have an idea of what true love really is…not that there isn’t a desire to know or that you’re capable of knowing true love, but it’s hard to imagine what it’s like to see your own heart, living and growing outside of your body every day. When you see your children grow up and learn even the smallest of things, it melts your heart. And just when you think you can’t love them anymore, they come running up to you with a little card or painting they made for you and you can actually feel your heart growing inside your chest. It’s an amazing feeling and one that you can’t appreciate until you become a father.
True love is at the core of being a good father and a better man. It drives you to make better decisions for yourself and for your family. True love becomes the foundation for building your own modern day Camelot. The true love you have for your children will create a passion for improving your career, friendships, relationships and your overall well being. It’s amazing the effect of true love will do to even the toughest of hearts.
I think the “Love Scale” is tipped dramatically towards the love the parent has for his or her child. It’s not that the child (whether the child is a newborn or middle-aged) is unwilling to love the parent absolutely; I just think the child is incapable of doing so.
It wasn’t until we had our first child that I realized how much you could love another human being. Don’t get me wrong, the love is certainly not a one-way street from parent to child; I think the child loves the parent as much as they know how. They just can’t fully understand the love their parents have for them until it is time to love their own child.
Would you agree or disagree? Let us know what you think!
Photo Credit: neurmadic aesthetic
I agree. Just as you cannot understand why Britney Spears shaved her head unless you have walked a mile in her shoes, you cannot understand or experience the love a parent has for a child until you have a child of your own. In all seriousness, the love that you have for your wife or your parents or friends is a different kind of love than the love you have for your own child. There is no way to describe it with words, but it just IS different, and it can never be understood without experiencing it. You have this little being that you helped create and have nurtured and cared for and taught. The feelings you have toward that little being can only be feelings of total, strong, love that is unlike any other love that came before it.
Cheers, TBD
That was sentimental… anyone that recruits for Hallmark out there reading this… make me an offer!
I believe it is a good thing that the love scale is out of balance. When a child comes into our lives, it is dependent on us, until he/she can be more independent. Part of that dependency is rooted in the belief that our parents have ample love to give. And for me, this love may come in the form of hugging, kissing, and caring. But it may also come in the form of being supportive and confident in our children when they lack that in themselves. It has been my experience that my kids need to know I can love them even when they feel they’ve failed, screwed up, or discovered they’re not the best at everything. I’m just grateful kids came into my life at a time I feel ready to carry a big portion of the love scale.
Hey - sorry I’m late to the party.
First, thank you for the plug and for mentioning Building Camelot. It’s good to hear some positive comments here. I think my words caused a little heartburn but I think both @The Blogg Daddy and @4wrdthnkndad understand where I was coming from.
It’s also good to read that some other dads feel the same way about the love for a child. The love is different and it’s hard to describe with words.
The love has been out of balance in our house for awhile - and I think it’s a necessary part of marriage and for raising a child. The love my wife and I share has changed a great deal over the past 3 years. As we grow as parents, we are challenged to find ways to keep the love between us strong while taking care of two little ones.
I firmly believe the scale HAS to be out of balance and NEEDS to be out of balance with that unconditional, forgiving, true love that we are blessed with when a child is given to us. I never gave that a thought until I had a child.
See, for more than 30 years, I tried to make myself the man I thought I needed to be. I have two little girls who have instantly turned me into the man I need to be. Who I WANT to be, well, that’s not up to me anymore, really. I am and will be what they need. Period. Because I love them and I can’t NOT love them. I haven’t tried, but I don’t think it is possible! Bottom line is that they need love and I can’t expect anyone (except their mother) to show them the love they need. And, in my book, they deserve lots more than I have to give - but I will give them all I have…
Great comments all, thanks!
That was beautiful & beautifully written.
~ a friend of Tyler’s
I heard an explanation of love that has stuck with me over the years - We all go through life projecting ourselves onto others and the people who reflect ourselves back with the least amount of distortion are the ones that we love.
This explains why parents love their own kids so much. Parents look at their kids and see themselves, a reflection even more accurate than the one that they get from their spouses. And, when children are still small, they are very easy to imagine any way you like them.
[...] Manning presents The Love Scale is out of Balance posted at Daddy [...]